Vice Versa
by miarae
Summary: [COMPLETE] What if instead of Jess Rory had been the bad one? Rory has been sent to Stars Hollow when Lorelai found out things were getting out of hand in New York.
1. How Rory Got Sent To Stars Hollow

What if...  
  
What if it hadn't been Jess who was sent to Stars Hollow? What if Jess had been in Rory's position.  
  
This is the story called "Vice Versa"  
  
Prologue:  
  
Rory Gilmore has always lived in New York with her mother, Lorelai. She has always been a good girl, getting good grades and leading the perfect life. Things change when Christopher comes back for a while, and then leaves her mother heartbroken because Sherri is pregnant with his baby. Around the same time Rory breaks up with her first love.  
  
Things start to get out of hand. Rory doesn't trust love anymore, she thinks it's something that only gets you hurt, and she starts drinking and having sex with strangers. When her mother finds her having sex in her bed with some stranger she decides it's been enough. She sends Rory to Stars Hollow to live with her grandparents.  
  
Jess has always lived in Stars Hollow, and he's been a really good guy. He's everything Jess from the show can be, sweet, gentle, intelligent. He's got a perfect girlfriend and is leading the perfect life. Until Rory comes to town.  
  
Disclaimer: I own Milo. Yeah...when he dissapeared from the show I  
bought him on E-bay...I wish. I only own this computer (with a  
background of Milo), this story and some other things that nobody is  
interested in.  
  
By the way this disclaimer holds for the entire story.  
  
Pairing: R/J ofcourse! But first some J/?  
  
Hmmm...is there anything else I should say?! Probably not cause most of you guys just skipped this whole intro and started reading right away... Just one more thing: more reviews = more updates! I want at least 5 reviews for every chapter :P So you know what to do! Have fun reading the chapter! ~~**miarae**~~  
  
~~  
  
I can't believe this! I've been sent away from New York! To Hell on earth. God...when I looked at the place I felt like I was having a nightmare. Everything is fucking perfect. Fucking perfect people leading their fucking perfect lives and pretending to be in love. Pretending being the operative word here, cause how could anybody fall in love when all love did was tear you apart?  
  
For the first time in my life I really hate my mom. Another case where love leaves you vulnerable. I should have known better then to trust her. When she couldn't handle me anymore she just sent me away. Yeah...that's easy. Just dump me in the middle of nowhere so you don't have to worry about me anymore. Great. Fan fucking tastic.  
  
My shrink said I was hurt. That I was just fucking around and getting pissed cause I wanted attention. Stupid asshole. Like he knows anything about me. I know I've been doing things my mother isn't proud of but so what? It's my life isn't it? If I want to fuck every boy in town and get so drunk I can't even remember how I get home it's my business.  
  
So now I got sent here. Stars fucking Hollow. Cause my mom caught me having sex in her bed. Sounds like a scene from Dawsons Creek...god...when did my life become some pathetic tvshow? I couldn't quite remember how that blonde chick from Dawsons Creek felt when she got to Capeside but I don't think it would be very different from the way I feel. Alone. So fucking alone.  
  
Oh yeah...you know the greatest thing? I got sent to my grandparents! How could she do that to me huh? She knew what it was like growing up there...I can't wear what I'm wearing now or my grandmother would have a heartattack! I suppose she knows why I was sent there in the first place, but she expects me to be a sweet and innocent little girl when there are visitors. She wants me to be everything that I'm not. Everything that I lost a long time ago. Innocent...I've seen so much you can never call me innocent. Sweet? Dumping guys...breaking their heart...nah I don't think sweet is the right word for me either.  
  
Bitter would be though. Yeah...bitter is one of the words I would use to describe myself. Along with bitchy, screwed up and depressed. Wow...come to think of it, I don't have a lot of good things to say about myself. Yeah maybe that I'm more realistic than a lot of people in this world. I loathe love. Love, compassion, trust, it only leaves you vulnerable. And heartbroken once the person you trusted yourself with walked away.  
  
You wanna know how it all started? Maybe it's hard to believe...but a while back I wasn't like this. I was good Rory Gilmore, believing in love and thinking that whatever I set my heart to I would accomplish. I had a wonderful boyfriend and my dad recently had moved in with my mom. I couldn't be happier then I was at that moment.  
  
And then...then SHE came back into his life. My dads ex-girlfriend. Sherri. They had broken it off a while ago cause my dad had realized my mom was everything he wanted. Wasn't that wonderful? I guess my mom and dad were just meant to be...you know. They had everything going for them and it was a great time. We laughed a lot, went out to the movies just to mock everything and my dad was this amazing cook. I was happy. I was so happy that everyday I felt like I was floating.  
  
And then I started falling down. Sherri called my dad...and told him she was pregnant. With his baby. At first I thought it wouldn't matter...cause you know...my dad hadn't been around when I was born either. But after a lot of serious talks I realized this was different. He didn't want to miss out on his second baby's youth. So he was going back to her, eventhough he loved my mom.  
  
Did you ever have a balloon? When you were little? A wonderful beautiful balloon. And you were so happy cause it was the prettiest thing you've ever seen and it was all yours...and you were so careful not to let go of the string that was attached to the balloon...cause it would fly away and you would never be able to get it back? Do you remember how it felt when all of the sudden...cause of the hot sun...or cause of something sharp...the balloon would burst? And nothing...I mean really...nothing...would remain?  
  
That's how I felt when my dad left. Everything I had ever hoped for had been right in front of me...and then it dissapeared. To top it all off my boyfriend broke up with me the week after. We had been going out for almost a year, and things were going great. Or so I thought. On our anniversary he tried to get me in bed. We had talked about stuff like that, and I had told him over and over again that I wasn't ready yet. But he seemed to think our one year anniversary would magically make all my boundaries dissapear. We were making out on my bed and I could clearly feel he wanted more. So I pushed him away...told him once again that I wasn't ready for this yet.  
  
That's when it happened. My perfect boyfriend hit me. He hit me hard and told me that I had been cheating on him. I tried to tell him it wasn't true but he wouldn't listen. He kept raging on and on about how I wouldn't sleep with him but that I welcomed that other guy in my bed whenever he wanted to. How I was nothing more than a little slut that deserved to be punished.  
  
Needless to say...things got out of hand. He forced himself on me, taking my virginity with a couple of hard thrusts. I don't think I've ever been in so much pain. But for once, he didn't care. After he was done he gave me a kiss and told me "Happy anniversary Rory". I cried when he left.  
  
After that, things began to change. I saw my mother everyday, crying over my dad. I realized that if true love couldn't even conquer everything, why would ordinary love be able to? I started losing faith. I had heard it so many times...guys telling me they loved me just so they could sleep with me. I didn't believe them anymore, but part of me didn't even care if they meant it or not. I needed comfort, I needed someone to hold me and tell me things would be okay. That it didn't matter that my boyfriend left me...that I was still a good person and that I deserved to be loved.  
  
Well maybe I just didn't. Deserve it. Cause they never comforted me. They never cared. They just slept with me, got up after and left without saying goodbye. And my mother couldn't help me either. She was still so upset with Christopher leaving her. She didn't even see me change until it was too late. Anyway...that's what she said when she found me having sex with some total stranger. In her bed. At that point she decided it had been enough.  
  
So that's how I got here. 


	2. Town Prince And Trash Girl

A/N: So here is chapter 2! Have fun reading and don't forget to review! Also...if you haven't: read my other story (Getting Experienced) and review that one too!  
  
A/N: oh yeah...Jess is probably behaving OOC too...but I figured that if he had been raised in a small town he wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble. He's certainly not mister perfect, but he isn't the troubled guy he is on the show.  
  
~~  
  
**Jess's POV**  
  
I'm not perfect. I know that. But people in this town seem to think I am. I'm kinda like their prince. Whenever I do something stupid they just laugh and smile and say "That's typically Jess"  
  
I tried out how far I could go without people changing their opinion about me. I smoked...I drank alcohol until I passed out...I even stole a gnome out of Taylors backyard...but still people smiled, shrugged and said "That's typically Jess."  
  
I am so sick and tired of people thinking I'm perfect. I don't want to be perfect! I want to be able to screw up big time, and I want people to lose their perfect image about me. I want them to let me go...it feels like they own me, and force me to lead their perfect life.  
  
I've got the perfect girlfriend and together we're the perfect couple. Everything in my life is so damn perfect it makes me want to vomit. Her name is Laurie and she's everything a good guy could hope for. She's sweet, innocent, faithful.  
  
To me she's boring and narrowminded. I want a girl who challenges me to become someone else. I want someone who can make me feel so good and so bad at the same time. I want passion. I want lust. I don't want to hold hands with Laurie and have people go "awww" when we kiss. I want a girl I can fuck in the middle of the street and shock people with.  
  
But how the hell am I supposed to find someone like that in Stars Hollow? Stars Hollow is so fucking perfect I want to run around screaming and get away as far as possible. But, being Stars Hollow's prince, I can't. I'm stuck with people watching me and expecting me to be perfect. So I only rebel in my mind.  
  
I'm so scared I will be stuck here for the rest of my life. To end up like my mother. When she was young, she was the town princess too. And she wanted out, just like me. She dreamed of going places, seeing things...New York...Paris...the Big Ben. You know. Travel. But then she met my dad...he knocked her up and left right after. People in Stars Hollow took care of her, taking away her only chance to escape.  
  
I feel like I'm a fly caught in a spiders web. The harder I struggle the more difficult it gets to escape. So I gave up struggling a long time ago. There isn't anybody who's going to save me anyway.  
  
~~  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
I first saw him when I was looking for a coffeeplace. He was holding hands with some blonde girl I could only describe as perfect. She was wearing this weird uniform (which later I found out was the Chilton schooluniform) and no hair was out of place on her head. I resisted the urge to mess up her too perfect look and just kept walking. I knew people were staring at me. I was wearing black leather pants that fitted perfectly, and a blue tanktop. I had let my hair loose and a small leather jacket was tied around my waist. I could feel someone was checking me out and turned around to face him.  
  
And there he was. I had to admit he was really hot. Dark hair, muscled body, baggy jeans. Definitely my kinda guy. Then my eye fell on the girl he was holding hands with. She looked at me with a hint of jealousy and anger in her eyes. She didn't like the way I was checking out her guy. I smiled to myself. This was gonna be fun...after I destroyed Ms Perfects life they were sure to send me back to New York with the first bus.  
  
I winked at him and kept walking, still looking for some place where I could get a decent coffee. Geeezz...this town was really crappy. They didn't even have a Starbucks or McDonalds...hello?! We're living in the 21st century here...every village has a McDonalds! But nope...not this one.  
  
My eye fell on a little diner and I sighed. I could only hope the coffee there wasn't gonna kill me. I walked in and sat at the counter. Immediately a flannel clad man with a baseballcap walked over to me.  
  
"Can I help you?"  
  
I checked him out. Nah...not like thát. He was way too old to be checked out like that. His voice was nice though. But I didn't like the way he looked at me. Like I was a fly sitting on his muffins...  
  
"Can I get two coffee's?"  
  
"Two?" The man looked around to see who the second cup was for.  
  
"Yes...two" I spoke slowly, like I doubted his mental capacities.  
  
He grunted something and poured coffee in two big cups. I took a sip before paying him. Hey...this stuff wasn't so bad. Actually...it was one of the best coffee's I had tasted in a long while. I payed, leaving him a big tip. I had rich grandparents now.  
  
"What's your name?" He suddenly blurted out.  
  
I cocked my eyebrows in my most arrogant manner and looked at him. Who did he think he was...asking me that?  
  
"Who's asking?" I replied coolly.  
  
"Luke Danes" He took my hand and shook it. I resisted the urge to wipe my hand after shaking his and just took another sip from my coffee.  
  
"Rory. Rory Gilmore"  
  
He looked surprised. Almost as if he knew me.  
  
"Daughter of Lorelai Gilmore?"  
  
I nodded. "You know my mother?"  
  
He smiled and poured me another cup of coffee.  
  
"She used to come in here every day...getting two coffee's just like you. How is she? Where is she?"  
  
"New York" I replied, taking the third cup of coffee and emptying it in one sip.  
  
He clearly didn't know why I was sent here and I sighed inwardly with relief. I suppose my mom didn't tell them because she wanted me to have a fresh start here, but this was perfect. This town was in for hell...they wouldn't know what struck them until it was too late. Anything to get back to New York.  
  
"Hey uncle Luke" Suddenly that cute guy walked into the diner. He went behind the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee before turning to his uncle.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm late" He apologized.  
  
The flannel guy smiled.  
  
"It's okay Jess."  
  
So...his name was Jess. And Luke was his uncle. As Jess started serving plates to customers I could see the way he moved. Too bad he was such a goody-goody. If he could be corrupted he could be a lot of fun. I'd love to get my hands on that body.  
  
I put down my emptied cup of coffee and hopped of the bar stool. As I was about to leave I walked over to Jess.  
  
"Hi...I'm Rory. By the way...nice ass"  
  
With a wink I walked out, leaving him speechless.  
  
~~  
  
Immediately after I ringed the doorbell the door opened.  
  
"Jezus...you scared the fuck out of me"  
  
I looked in the face of an old woman, obviously not the maid, because she was way too overdressed for that.  
  
Before she could say anything I walked into the house.  
  
"God...this place is huge!"  
  
I dropped my bags in front of her feet and wandered through the house. She was following me around, trying to say something but I kept cutting her short with stupid comments.  
  
"Rory Gilmore!"  
  
Something in the way she said that made me turn around and listen to her.  
  
"I will not tolerate that language in this house. And the way you're dressed is disgusting. I will tell our chauffeur we'll be going to get decent clothes for you this afternoon."  
  
I grinned devilish.  
  
"What's wrong with these clothes grandma? I like them..."  
  
My hand carressed my breast in the tight tanktop as I said it. I really wanted to shock her, make her send me back. She looked disgusted but didn't reply. Instead she led me into a room which only had a single bed, a chair and a closet in it.  
  
"This will be your room. I expect you to be downstairs in half an hour."  
  
With that she left. And I was alone once again. 


	3. Starting To Fuck This Town Up

A/N: I'm not really good at writing dialogues so don't hold it against me :P  
  
A/N: Thank you for all the amazing reviews! Keep 'em coming!!! I hope you enjoy the next chapter!  
  
~~  
  
When she first gave me an outfit to put on I thought she was kidding. This was unbelievable. She wouldn't really have me wear some stupid dress right? Or a skirt that was in no way mini... She obviously saw the look on my face and smiled victoriously. I glanced at her and saw that I wasn't going to break her so easily. Ah well...the more time it costs the more it's gonna hurt if she finally does, right?  
  
"What's that?!"  
  
I stared in disgust at the clothes my grandma was about to buy for me. They looked like the clothes Jess's girl had been wearing.  
  
"The Chilton schooluniform"  
  
She walked over to the counter and paid for the clothes.  
  
"I'm not wearing that!"  
  
"Yes you will. You will be going to Chilton and you will behave like people expect you to"  
  
I smiled. Was it important to her I was a good girl? Maybe I could do something with that knowledge...  
  
"You are a rich girl now. People will be looking at you, and they will relate your behaviour to ours. So I expect you to be on your best behaviour..."  
  
"If it's that important to you grandma..."  
  
She smiled and nodded approvingly. I can't believe she was so easily fooled, but I guessed as long as people did and said exactly the right thing she was happy. These kind of people lived in their own little world and played with people like they were pieces in a chessgame.  
  
~~  
  
"Rory Gilmore...how nice of you to join us"  
  
The teacher smiled at me and pointed to an empty seat. I was wearing that ridiculous Chilton uniform and sat down next to the blonde girl I had seen Jess with. She immediately turned to face me and smiled.  
  
"Hi...I'm Laurie Masters"  
  
"Rory...nice to meet you"  
  
If they wanted me to be nice...I would be nice. Well...I would be PLAYING nice girl, and wait for the right time. Hold your friends close, but your enemies closer. And I was going to make Laurie my best enemy.  
  
~~  
  
"Hey guys...this is Rory..."  
  
I smiled and nodded at everybody who said hello. God this was terrible. All those pathetic boring girls and boys. They had goody-goody written all over their faces. But I plastered a fake smile on my face and pretended to be interested in all their smalltalk. If I wanted my plan to succeed I needed a little more time than I had expected. So I wasn't going back to New York so soon, but I was positive I was going to have some fun around here too...  
  
~~  
  
"So...Rory this is my boyfriend Jess"  
  
I resisted the urge to wink and just stared at him approvingly. He blushed slightly and put his arm around Laurie.  
  
Oh god...he acts like a virgin...like I was gonna jump him right there or something...well ofcourse I wouldn't have minded...  
  
**Jess's POV**  
  
Oh god...there she was again. Walking next to my girl, wearing the Chilton uniform and looking just like the virgin Mary. Course...I knew she was more of a Magdalene. I hoped she wouldn't come on to me when Laurie was in the same room. Though I wouldn't have minded if we had been alone.  
  
When Laurie was in the back getting us a soda she slipped a note into my hand and winked. After that, she left.  
  
~~  
  
If you ever wanna get a good lay...call.  
  
That's what I put in the note. I waited outside to see the look on his face after he read the note. His eyes widened and he put the note in his backpocket as soon as he could. And that's when I knew.  
  
He was mine.  
  
How I knew? Simple. He had a girl, but he kept my note. If he didn't want anything to do with me he never would have kept the note. But it contained my phonenumber and clearly it was important to him.  
  
I smiled. Yup...this town was going down.  
  
A/N: Sorry it's such a short chapter. I was kinda stuck. But I will try to update soon! And everybody: happy new year! I hope you liked this newyears gift! And tell me...how was your new year? Mine was awesome! 


	4. The Chilton Formal

A/N: Again thank you for the reviews! I love people who review every chapter!!! Also...for the people who've read "Getting Experienced": should I write another chapter? Or should I just leave it like this? (If I do write another chapter it will probably be something like the first chapter if you know what I mean *wink*)  
  
A/N: have fun reading this chapter!  
  
~~  
  
**Jess's POV**  
  
Things were going great. Since Rory moved to town almost a month ago I felt much more at ease. She didn't expect me to be the town prince like everybody else, and whenever I was around her I could relax. Ofcourse, when Laurie was there with us I couldn't. I was careful not to stand to close to Rory, or to look at her one second too long...cause I knew Laurie would suspect something.  
  
Not that there was anything to suspect. I mean...apart from the note nothing had happened. Rory acted like a nice girl whenever there were people around us, but I knew she was just pretending. I could see it whenever she looked at me. Those sparkles in her eyes told me she was up to no good. But it was hard to stay away from her. She had awoken something deep inside me, and I knew she was the only one who could save me.  
  
~~  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
Jess thought I could save him. I could see it in his eyes, the pleading look he had when he thought I wasn't looking. He didn't know I only had the power to destroy. And I wasn't going to tell him. He was the only guy in town I could have some fun with.  
  
We were sitting in the diner, quietly talking about the Chilton dance that would be next week. At first I didn't want to go, but after Jess said he would accompany Laurie I changed my mind.  
  
"Jess?"  
  
I batted my eyelashes at him when Laurie wasn't looking.  
  
"Could you maybe...accompany me too?"  
  
He looked at Laurie to see if she was okay with this. I put on my best puppylook and pleaded silently with her.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Course...it will be so much fun..."  
  
Yes. It was gonna be fun. But the most fun was going to be had when she wasn't around.  
  
I pulled Laurie out of her chair.  
  
"Let's go and find a dress..."  
  
She giggled and we left the diner with our arms wrapped around eachother. I really had become her best friend. We did everything together, whenever she wasn't with Jess she was with me. Even grandma approved of her, and that gave me the opportunity to stay out late at night.  
  
~~  
  
"Oh Laurie this dress is amazing!" Rory pulled a dress from a rack and gave it to Laurie. It was a beautiful dress, but it didn't show much cleavage or leg. Rory knew that when Laurie wore this Jess would definitely pay more attention to her, instead of his girlfriend. She pulled a gorgeous red dress from the rack and went to try it on.  
  
**R-O-R-Y...that's how you spell the word the word babe** Rory thought, pleased with the way she looked.  
  
She twirled around in her dress so she could see it from every angle. The dress showed just enough cleavage to keep guys interested, and enough leg to let them drool over. She wasn't sure if grandma Gilmore would approve of the dress though, and reluctantly pulled a vest from the rack to put over it. She would get rid of the piece of clothing as soon as she was at the dance anyway.  
  
Rory stepped out of the fitting room and went to find Laurie, who was in another fittingroom.  
  
"Oh...girl you look amazing!"  
  
She did. Well...she looked nice anyway. The simple black dress hugged Laurie's curves, but Rory was obviously the prettiest of the two.  
  
~~  
  
**Jess's POV**  
  
The limousine was barely lit and I was sitting between the two girls that I was accompanying this night. Suddenly I felt a small hand going up and down my leg, tickeling my thigh and slowly making its way to my cock. I shifted a bit but couldn't escape the tingling sensations her hand left. Nor her hand. She kept rubbing her little fingers over my crotch until it was obvious how aroused I got.  
  
Rory breathed something in my ear, something I hoped Laurie hadn't heard. She told me of all the things she wanted to do to me this night...when Laurie wasn't looking. How she would push me into a toilet and do things Laurie had never heard of.  
  
She smiled at me. An innocent smile, but a fire was burning in her eyes. I knew she would do all those things she told me about, if I would let her. But the question was...  
  
Would I?  
  
A/N: Sorry! Short again! I will update soon! But I have a lot of tests coming so it can take a little longer than normal! 


	5. Fucking Things Up Even More

A/N: Okay I've learned and summarized a whole book for a test today, so now I deserve some free time...hmmm...what to do with that free time? Ohhh I know: write the next chapter for Vice Versa...so yeah...here it is! Enjoy!  
  
~~  
  
**Laurie's POV**  
  
I loved going to a prom. All those lights, the music, dancing with Jess, it made me feel wonderful. And this time Rory was going to be there too...I was going to show her just how much fun you could have at a Chilton formal. I really liked having her as my friend. At first when I met her I thought she had been after Jess, but that thought quickly left my mind when I got to know her. She was so sweet!  
  
There were already people dancing when we entered the sports hall. The door made so much noise everybody looked up. I saw jealousy in the eyes of lots of girls and I realized they were jealous of me. ME. Cause I had Jess. I smiled at him and went to get a drink for the three of us.  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
Ofcourse they were staring. I had expect them to. They saw the way the dress fitted and were jealous they didn't have my figure. Or maybe they were just jealous Jess was with us, and not with them.  
  
Speaking of 'us' I would make sure Laurie wouldn't be in our way. I didn't know how yet, but I would find a way...  
  
**regular POV**  
  
When Laurie returned Rory and Jess were talking and laughing together. Rory smiled when Laurie gave her some of the punch and downed it in one gulp. After that she smiled at Jess.  
  
"Come on lovebirds...dance..."  
  
"But...you will be alone"  
  
Laurie's face showed compassion, but Rory just waved that away.  
  
"If you promise me I can borrow Jess for a dance sometime this evening I'm fine. I will find someone else to dance with don't worry"  
  
The way she said it made it sound sweet, and Laurie smiled. She didn't know the evil plans Rory had, the things she wanted to do to her boyfriend. She felt safe and loved in Jess's arms, blissfully not aware of the thoughts that were racing through his head.  
  
**Will I? Can I? I can't cheat on her right? That would be mean...but there's just something about her...she makes me want to explore who I can be...**  
  
Rory grinned at Jess and winked when Laurie was looking the other way. She was dancing with some guy she hardly knew, and who took advantage of the situation to slip his hands over her ass.  
  
She immediately stepped out of his embrace and walked over to Jess and Laurie.  
  
"Lau...I'm so sorry...but that guy over there...he was trying to get his way with me...Can I borrow Jess for a while?"  
  
Laurie smiled.  
  
"Ofcourse Rory"  
  
Rory stepped into Jess's arms and smiled a friendly smile at Laurie.  
  
"Oh...I might just...flirt a bit...just to get rid of that guy..."  
  
Sweet little Laurie. Not for a second did she doubt Rory's motives. She just nodded, still smiling, and went to get another drink.  
  
~~  
  
"So..."  
  
Her soft voice sounded husky and filled with desire.  
  
"it's just us now tiger..."  
  
Her hands traveled over his back and pulled him closer to her, so they were in full contact with eachother. He couldn't help moaning.  
  
"enjoying this huh?"  
  
She came just a little bit closer and slid her nails softly over his neck, resulting in goosebumps all over his body.  
  
"Rory"  
  
"Jess"  
  
Her voice was now playful, and she looked at him with little lights in her eyes.  
  
"Let's get out of here and fuck up this town a little...what do you say?"  
  
He smiled and nodded. Time to ditch Laurie...  
  
~~  
  
They laughed and ran through the streets in the pouring rain. Rory's dress was already soaked but she didn't care. She pulled Jess towards her until their lips almost touched. She then lifted her head and breathed in his ear.  
  
"Ready for some fucking...up?"  
  
For a second he thought she had been inviting him to fuck her. Then he realized the word up behind those words. It didn't matter. His answer was the same anyway.  
  
"Any time"  
  
She took him to a little store nearby and pulled a brick out of the pavement. Hidden underneath was a little foil package.  
  
"Try this"  
  
There was some white powder carefully wrapped in aluminiumfoil, so it wouldn't get wet. At first Jess didn't recognize it.  
  
"Holy fuck...that's...cocain..."  
  
He took a step backwards and looked at her.  
  
"This stuff will seriously fuck you up Rory..."  
  
She grinned at him.  
  
"Come on Jess...you want out...I can see it in your eyes. You're tired of being the town prince...stop being so perfect for one...let something fuck you up..."  
  
She could see in his eyes that he was still in doubt. Well...he hadn't said no either. So she played her final card.  
  
"It will make you fuck like a bunny..."  
  
A/N: @ JustMe: I'm not writing everything as it happened on the show, with just the characters reversed. I did change their background and their personalities, but I'm not following events like they happened on the show. So yeah...Jess never offered drugs to Rory, but that doesn't mean it can't happen in my story. Also, I DO have a storyline in mind, and Rory won't just remain a heartless bitch! 


	6. Make Believe

A/N: I've personally never used coke, nor do I feel the need to. I got the information about coke from the site www.jellinek.nl  
  
A/N: I hope you like this chapter! And don't forget to review! Also, a special shoutout to the people that have reviewed every (or almost every) chapter! Keep doing that :P I love reviews!  
  
~~  
  
**Jess's POV**  
  
I didn't want to do it. I really didn't. Did I? I was too tired of this town ordering me to be good. I didn't want it anymore. So yeah...I fucked up. I took the drug from Rory. One time wouldn't hurt anybody right? It was just a try...one time wouldn't get me addicted, but it gave me the chance to feel free. For once. I kept telling myself that, that it would be a one time only thing. I wanted to find out if what Rory said was true. And besides...she had obviously used it before, and she didn't look like a junkie to me!  
  
When I took the drug it felt like I couldn't breath. There was still some white powder on my nose and I started coughing. I couldn't believe anybody would do something like this. This felt awful! And apart from a burning sensation in my throat I didn't feel anything...no weird dizziness...no feelings of perfect happiness...no...oh...wait. I'm starting to feel something.  
  
Wow. This is...it is...wow. Incredible. I felt like I was soaring. I had the feeling I could do anything, take on anybody. This energy that flowed through my body made me feel alert. I could fix anything right now...  
  
Rory laughed at my inexperience. She knew how I was feeling, and took her own sniff. After a few minutes a lazy grin spred over her face, the same grin I knew I was carrying. I wanted to do something crazy...to show the world how amazing I felt and what I was capable of. But she wouldn't let me.  
  
"Come on"  
  
Her voice sounded weird, like I was wrapped in feathery pillows, driving the sound of her voice out.  
  
She put her arm around my waist and started guiding me to an abandoned store, which she easily broke open. When I looked around with new eyes, seeing every detail that I never noticed she got a bit irritated.  
  
"Jess! It only works for half an hour!"  
  
Oh right...she wanted me to sleep with her. She grinned and asked if I was up for it. Up for it? I was up for anything right now! I'd show her just how "up" I was...  
  
I don't remember much from the sex...apart from the fact that it was amazing. Really...fucking...amazing. I kept going and going and it felt like I came like a dozen times. In reality, Rory told me, it had just been twenty minutes, but it felt like eternity. Eternity in heaven. And a thought settled in the back of my head:  
  
I couldn't go back.  
  
~~  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
When he got that smile on his face I could see the drug was working. His eyes became all sparkly and he spaced out for a minute. But I didn't have time to lose. I had taken my part of the drug and I wanted him. I wanted him now.  
  
When I opened the door to the empty store he started looking around like everything was new to him. I realized I hadn't told him the drug only worked for half an hour. I wanted to take advantage of that.  
  
I guess there are a lot of people who would think I'm a heartless bitch if they knew what I was doing. The truth is...he moved me. I don't know in what way, but whenever I was with him I felt different. More alive. More like the Rory I should have stayed back in New York. And I knew I couldn't get back, but I could get as close as possible. And it worked. Sleeping with him made me realize how much I wanted to get back. Not to New York but to the old me. The me that loved reading, that could talk hours about books. With him I could. Jess was special. He was like a diamond between worthless stones. Okay...so he wasn't perfect...but on some higher level we understood eachother. Understood eachothers need.  
  
About the sex I can be short: it was amazing.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
Rory fell down on her back, pulling Jess with her. Their mouths crushed together, their tongues duelling forcely in an attempt to gain control. Rory's hands roamed over Jess's body, stopping at the waist and opened up his buttons. Meanwhile Jess had freed Rory from her dress and was trying to pull her wet panties down. She lifted her hips to help him and accidentally bucked up against his hips. He groaned and helped her shedding his own clothes on the floor. Their need grew with every kiss they shared.  
  
When he finally entered her she moaned with happiness. This was perfect. This was exactly what she needed.  
  
The way he moved, played her body like an instrument, made it clear to her that he wasn't a virgin either. Their bodies came together time and time again, each wave of passion quickly being followed by the next.  
  
FLASHFORWARD  
  
They lied silently in eachothers arms for a while, coming down from their highs. Slowly their bodies began to cool down, leaving them shivering because of the cold sweat that had appeared during their lovemaking. In a way they had made love, one soul straight with the other. This hadn't just been meaningless sex, their hands had intertwined and their souls had connected.  
  
It wasn't until his pager went off that they remembered there was something outside their little world. No matter how perfect it had been, it was time to put up their masks and get on stage again. They shared a look, both knowing that they would never forget what happened this night.  
  
And with a smile, they walked out of the store, into the make believe world of the people in Stars Hollow. 


	7. Changing Her Mind

A/N: thank you all for your amazing reviews! I hope you keep enjoying this story and that my writing is any good. I try to update asap (everything for the fans _O_ ) but I'm still working for my tests so it probably takes a little longer than usual...  
  
A/N: Read and review!!!  
  
~~  
  
**Jess's POV**  
  
I don't remember much from the sex...apart from the fact that it was amazing. Really...fucking...amazing. I kept going and going and it felt like I came like a dozen times. In reality, Rory told me, it had just been twenty minutes, but it felt like eternity. Eternity in heaven. And a thought settled in the back of my head:  
  
I couldn't go back.  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
When he got that smile on his face I could see the drug was working. His eyes became all sparkly and he spaced out for a minute. But I didn't have time to lose. I had taken my part of the drug and I wanted him. I wanted him now.  
  
When I opened the door to the empty store he started looking around like everything was new to him. I realized I hadn't told him the drug only worked for half an hour. I wanted to take advantage of that.  
  
I guess there are a lot of people who would think I'm a heartless bitch if they knew what I was doing. The truth is...he moved me. I don't know in what way, but whenever I was with him I felt different. More alive. More like the Rory I should have stayed back in New York. And I knew I couldn't get back, but I could get as close as possible. And it worked. Sleeping with him made me realize how much I wanted to get back. Not to New York but to the old me. The me that loved reading, that could talk hours about books. With him I could. Jess was special. He was like a diamond between worthless stones. Okay...so he wasn't perfect...but on some higher level we understood eachother. Understood eachothers need.  
  
About the sex I can be short: it was amazing.  
  
~~  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
I felt weak. Whenever he was around me my strength crumbled. I had him right where I wanted him but I couldn't take it. I couldn't abuse him like this. I knew he looked at me sometime, a pleading look in his eyes. He wanted it again. Not just the drugs, but me too.  
  
But I couldn't. The original plan had been easy. Screw him up, fuck him, dump him, make sure his girl found out...and then...the whole town would go crazy. I'd make sure they knew about the coke and they'd send me back to New York. Mission accomplished.  
  
But now I wasn't so sure about that anymore. I did want to go back to New York, it was all I wanted, but I didn't want to drag Jess to the downfall. Since I had given him heaven he wanted more. I could hear his voice, whispering in my ear.  
  
"Please...just one more time"  
  
Wherever I looked, his eyes kept following me...kept looking at me with that desperate look.  
  
"Please..."  
  
And I wanted to say no. That scared me the most. The fact that I let myself care so much for him that I didn't want him to go down. The last time I cared for someone it was my ex-boyfriend who did those awful things to me. And I had the feeling Jess was even more important to me.  
  
So I was going to stop this. I was going to tell him it couldn't happen. Not anymore. Not even if it meant being stuck in Stars Hollow.  
  
~~  
  
**Regular POV**  
  
The phone rang. With a sigh Rory picked up. She had actually been doing her homework for once, and now she was interrupted.  
  
"Rory Gilmore"  
  
The person on the other line made her jump up and down on her bed.  
  
"Jade!!! Oh my god it's so good to hear you!"  
  
Jade was her only friend in New York. Together they had been perfect. Going to raves, getting drunk, a sniff of coke here and there. And lots of boys. They knew mothers warned their children about them, but as long as they were together they didn't care. She was the main reason Rory wanted to get back to New York.  
  
"How did you get this number?"  
  
Jade laughed.  
  
"I just looked in the phonebook you stupid...I'm sorry I didn't call before but my parents were alarmed cause you got sent away. So they kept watching me for like a month."  
  
Rory groaned.  
  
"You had to go without coke for a month? Without drinks and boys and parties?"  
  
"You're saying it like you did have all those things..."  
  
She grinned.  
  
"Well maybe I did..."  
  
"Rory Gilmore...you're the worst..."  
  
Rory looked at her reflection in the mirror.  
  
"I'll take that as a compliment..."  
  
Jade laughed for a second, then became serious again.  
  
"Come back soon Ror...I miss you..."  
  
Rory smiled.  
  
"I'll be back before you know it Jade..."  
  
She hung up and walked over to the mirror. There it was again. That look in her eyes. That look that sometimes even scared herself. She knew that short talk had changed her mind. She couldn't stay here...she wasn't like these people. For as long as she would be here people would still look at her with disgust. They wouldn't trust her. She didn't belong here.  
  
She belonged in New York. With her kind of people. With people that admired her, people that were like her and didn't treat her like she was terminally ill.  
  
So she would continue with her plan. She tried to reason with herself. It wasn't her fault. Not totally anyway. Jess wanted it. Jess wanted the coke and Jess wanted her. She didn't force him. So it wouldn't be her fault if he screwed up. It would be the fault of this perfect town, who forced him to be perfect.  
  
She took a bit of coke out of her drawer and carefully put it in her backpack. Chilton wasn't so bad when she was stoned. But she had to be careful. There wasn't much left. And if she wanted her mission to succeed, she needed that coke.  
  
And with another sad smile she said goodbye to the girl in the mirror that tried to stop her. 


	8. Why?

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but I really had to focus on my tests...and I was a bit stuck...  
  
A/N: I'm afraid I won't be able to update for a while cause tomorrow my wrist will be operated.  
  
A/N: Enjoy and don't forget to review! I want at least 5 reviews...also for OTRA cause else I won't update :P  
  
~~  
  
Why did I ever want to screw up? Why did I want the town to hate me? It's not so funny anymore now it's actually happened. Rory. It's all her fault. Thanks to her everybody looks at me with disgust and pity in their eyes. Everytime people see me they start whispering to eachother...telling eachother exactly how bad Jess Mariano fucked up. Like I don't know.  
  
~~  
  
I lost Laurie.  
  
~~  
  
Not that that is a big loss...but I'm girlfriendless. And I hurt her. Something I never wanted to do. Laurie was sweet. Yeah she was boring and annoying, but she never did anything to hurt me. She didn't deserve this.  
  
~~  
  
I took so much drugs I'm not sure I can live without it anymore.  
  
~~  
  
Yup. Big problem there. Sure I knew drugs were addictive before I started it but I never expected it to be like this. I mean...I was Jess Mariano. Town prince. I could do anything. Well...guess not. Guess I lost the game this time.  
  
~~  
  
I lost Rory.  
  
~~  
  
I know I shouldn't. Miss her that is. I know she is the one that fucked me up. She is the one that made me lose it all. But I know that if she was here with me now things wouldn't seem so bad. It was a weird kind of love I had fallen into. Suicidal. I missed her when she wasn't around, and at the same time I hated her when she was. I was continually torn between ripping her head of and fucking her brains out. So to speak.  
  
~~  
  
Last of all...I seem to have lost my mind.  
  
~~  
  
Is it just me or is everybody talking about me? Do I care? Do I want them to care? Why am I so upset that Luke is upset? Why do I want to tell everybody that this wasn't me...that it was Rory who did all this to me. When I was the one that wanted it. I was the one that begged her to give me more. Begged her to go on, cause I needed saving.  
  
Saving.  
  
Huh.  
  
Ironic.  
  
I thought Rory was saving me when all she did was play me for the fool that I was. All she did was take advantage of me to get a one way ticket back to New York. Well it worked. The whole town was furious when they found out. They went to the Gilmore Residence and practically threatened to lynch Rory. That or send her back to the hellpit she came from.  
  
~~  
  
So naturally she chose New York.  
  
~~  
  
And dammit I miss her. I miss having her around me...making me laugh...cry...making me feel. Something. Anything. Just not this goddamn emptiness I've been feeling for so long. And I want her back. I want her to stay. To take care of me even if it means fucking me up even more.  
  
~~  
  
The people in Stars Hollow thought I needed saving. They thought I wanted out. They are so happy...thinking they did the right thing and removing the black sheep from our town so they can live their happy perfect life.  
  
~~  
  
They think I'm happy too now she's gone.  
  
~~  
  
When all I can think about is...  
  
~~  
  
Why did they have to find out?!  
  
A/N: REVIEW!!! I'll be eternally grateful and it makes me want to write more...so if you'll review I'll try to type with one finger :D 


	9. The Final Decision

A/N: I'm so depressed right now...which usually means my writing is going really well. So I hope you enjoy my misery :P and don't forget to review!  
  
A/N: I always thought that when smile1 gave a positive review for your story it was a good story. So yayy! I'm writing a good story! So this chapter is dedicated to smile1  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
I'm so depressed.  
  
So fucking depressed it hurts.  
  
~~  
  
If you would ask me why I couldn't point out one single reason. It's everything. Every fight in the world...all the hate and anger. And I'm part of it. Part of this world I don't even understand. This world I don't even want to be in.  
  
Part of why I hate this world is how it changed me. Ever heard about the expression `if you can't beat them join them`? Well that's what I did. When I got raped...when I found out that love doesn't exist it changed me. So they didn't care about me? Well I would show them that neither did I. I stopped caring about them and I no longer even cared for myself.  
  
~~  
  
One way of escaping this foul world was drugs. Drugs made me happy, made me see the good things instead of the bad reality. It felt like crawling under a blanket and shutting the world out. I felt so happy under my blanket, playing in my pretend world in which everything was okay.  
  
When I got sent here, Stars Hollow, I no longer could play pretend. This world was the perfect place I had been looking for during all those trips. And it made me realize that not everything was as bad as I thought it would be.  
  
~~  
  
And it scared me.  
  
For so long I had kept my strength by believing that this was just how the world was. It wasn't my fault I got raped, it was just human nature. It wasn't my fault my dad left my mom, happiness was just not meant to be.  
  
But then I came to Stars Hollow.  
  
Saw the perfect people.  
  
Real happiness.  
  
Not the fake kind I had seen in New York.  
  
Not the happiness that was created by drugs and dreams.  
  
No...this was the kind of happiness people got from watching birds sing in a tree...flowers...sunny days...crap like that.  
  
Crap I so desperately wanted to be happy about too.  
  
~~  
  
But by then I was too lost to be saved. I wanted to stay strong. I couldn't give up...give in. I couldn't give up my hate for the world. It would leave me vulnerable and people would take advantage of that.  
  
So I kept using drugs...which meant I had to go back to New York fast or I would be forced to stop.  
  
And I used Jess. Not only to get back to New York but also to prove myself that this happy world was just pretend. Or when it wasn't...that at least it wasn't meant to be for me.  
  
~~  
  
But right now I wish I hadn't. I lost things I never even realized I had.  
  
~~  
  
A family.  
  
Okay so maybe it wasn't much, but grandma Gilmore was kinda nice to me. As long as I played nice girl she allowed me stuff. And grandpa Gilmore took me golfing...I thought I would be bored as hell but actually it was kinda fun. Now he won't even look at me.  
  
~~  
  
Friendship.  
  
Laurie really liked me. And she wasn't too bad either. She invited me over for a sleepover, which at the time I thought was so lame. But we ended up talking and baking cookies. And dammit I was happy. I was actually happy.  
  
Which brings me to the biggest thing I lost.  
  
~~  
  
I'm almost scared to say the word. Scared that my walls will crumble if I admit it to myself.  
  
I think I kinda...might be...in love with Jess.  
  
~~  
  
Jess made me happy too. But now I lost him.  
  
Everybody thinks I'm going back to New York. Part of me wants to. It would be the easy way out but when did I ever care about that? It would mean living my pretend life like I had been doing for so long. The hard way was to stay here...fight for respect and love from these people...changing back into the girl I had lost on the way.  
  
But I'm scared. Scared that maybe I'll lose. That maybe I can't find that girl back anymore and that I'm doomed to live a shallow life forever. Shallow...in which drugs were the only thing to keep me happy.  
  
~~  
  
I contemplate about going to New York for another while, and finally decide to make a pro/con list like I always do with big decisions. It looks kinda like this:  
  
PRO'S AND CON'S OF GOING BACK TO NEW YORK, by Rory Gilmore  
  
(I know it looks like a stupid essay or something but whatever...just read it alright?)  
  
PRO'S:  
  
*~ people back there don't hate me  
  
*~ I'll see my friend Jade again (biggest pro!!!)  
  
*~ I won't be forced to become myself again (though I don't know if I want that...see con's)  
  
*~ I can use drugs again (same thing)  
  
*~ It's easy  
  
CON'S:  
  
*~ I'll miss Jess  
  
*~ Maybe I'll see my ex again  
  
*~ I won't be forced to become myself again  
  
*~ I can use drugs again  
  
*~ My mom hates me  
  
*~ I want to pay for the things I did...New York will be running away  
  
OK...since `I won't be forced to become myself again` and `I can use drugs again` are both on the PRO and CON list I can just scratch those.  
  
So this is the score:  
  
PRO'S:  
  
*~ people back there don't hate me  
  
*~ I'll see my friend Jade again (biggest pro!!!)  
  
*~ It's easy  
  
CON'S:  
  
*~ I'll miss Jess  
  
*~ Maybe I'll see my ex again  
  
*~ My mom hates me  
  
*~ I want to pay for the things I did...New York will be running away  
  
Score 3 – 4.  
  
So...that means...  
  
~~  
  
**okay Ror just breath in...breath out...you can do this**  
  
I'm staying here in Stars Hollow.  
  
~~  
  
I repeat it to myself in the mirror a few times before going down the stairs to tell my grandma. I know she will be pleased, though she will hide it behind her stern face. She will tell me things I don't want to hear, but at least she's honest with me. She's telling me things will be tough, that people will not forgive me for a long time. She's giving me a chance to reconsider...to back out.  
  
But I don't.  
  
~~  
  
I take a deep breath and jump into the deep water. I will just have to learn how to swim won't I? And with the little smile that appears on her face I at least know that there will be someone to save me if I drown.  
  
~~  
  
A/N: REVIEW!!! I've been typing with one finger so I want a lot of reviews!!! I deserved it :P 


	10. Making Amends

~~**~~  
  
"Why are you still here?"  
  
Rory turned around and her eyes met the cold ones belonging to Laurie.  
  
"I thought you left"  
  
She crossed her arms and looked at her with loathing in her eyes.  
  
Rory nodded.  
  
"I was going to..."  
  
Lauries voice was cold and distant, very different from how she had sounded when they were friends.  
  
"You should have...good riddens..."  
  
Rory sighed. She knew it wasn't going to be easy...but then again...did she even deserve easy?  
  
"I know I should have Laurie...but I stayed here...to make up for my mistakes...I'll even beg for forgiveness if I have to"  
  
Her voice sounded sincere and her eyes pleaded with Laurie to believe her.  
  
"Don't...it's pathetic"  
  
Laurie spun around and walked in the opposite direction. After a few steps she turned around again.  
  
"And useless"  
  
Rory bit her lip. It was going to be hard. She really wanted Laurie back as her friend but she understood that Laurie would probably never trust her again.  
  
And Jess...everytime she came near the diner she had to fight the urge to walk in. She never saw Jess anymore...he didn't go to her school and she couldn't just step into the diner and ask for him.  
  
Knowing Luke he would probably throw her out and yell at her. And he would be right to. She had destroyed Jess's life...all out of pure egoism. And now she wanted him back...again out of pure egoism.  
  
She needed him.  
  
She wanted him.  
  
To hold him...  
  
To kiss him...  
  
Just to be close to him...  
  
Just something...  
  
Anything...  
  
She'd give up everything to hold him just once. And that's why she kept on fighting...kept on taking the insults and never broke down...cause she needed him...he was everything to her. The air she breathed in...just remembering his smile made her happy again. Thinking about the way he held her after they slept together made butterflies race in her belly.  
  
So one day...she just decided to do it. She pushed the door to the diner open and heard the little bell ringing. People stared at her...wondering what she was doing here...wondering how long it would take Luke to lose his temper.  
  
She sat down at the counter and looked at Luke which what she hoped was an honest face.  
  
"Luke?"  
  
He turned to face her.  
  
"Can I talk to Jess for a moment?"  
  
He sneered.  
  
"Jess doesn't need you to ruin his life any further...he's just getting back on track... you ruined his life Rory...I thought you were a nice girl..."  
  
She bit her lip.  
  
"I know...I was...once...and I'm trying to be one again. Please Luke...If you think I'm helping him destroy his life again you can barr me from the diner...and you can tell me to stay the hell away from Jess and I will...please...I just want a chance to help him..."  
  
She used what she hoped was her most convincing Gilmore-whine. He grunted.  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
"A chance? Why would I give you a chance? I gave you one when you came here...and you ruined his life...and Laurie's life..."  
  
Suddenly someone unexpected backed me up. I had never imagined my grandmother to be in this diner...let alone talk to Luke.  
  
"She's trying Danes...she really changed...I can vow for that"  
  
Luke didn't look convinced, but my grandma just glared at him. I've seen that glare a couple of times and believe me it isn't pretty. She looks so cold that sometimes I just feel the urge to touch her and make sure she hasn't turned into stone.  
  
With a defeated sigh Luke looked at me.  
  
"Ten minutes..."  
  
I nodded and walked upstairs to his room. After hesitating for a couple of seconds I knocked on his door.  
  
I heard a distinct sigh coming from his room.  
  
"What?"  
  
Just hearing his voice made my heart skip a beat.  
  
"You know I'm in here Luke so you can go downstairs again..."  
  
He was clearly irritated.  
  
I took a deep breath and opened the door.  
  
"Hey...it's me..."  
  
A/N: Evil! I know...sorry...and sorry this chapter sucks...cause it does...doesn't it? 


	11. Breaking Down

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but I was superbusy with school!  
  
A/N: For every Lit-lover: there's a new story, written by smile1 & me called Submission. Check it out!  
  
~~**~~  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
"A chance? Why would I give you a chance? I gave you one when you came here...and you ruined his life...and Laurie's life..."  
  
Suddenly someone unexpected backed me up. I had never imagined my grandmother to be in this diner...let alone talk to Luke.  
  
"She's trying Danes...she really changed...I can vow for that"  
  
Luke didn't look convinced, but my grandma just glared at him. I've seen that glare a couple of times and believe me it isn't pretty. She looks so cold that sometimes I just feel the urge to touch her and make sure she hasn't turned into stone.  
  
With a defeated sigh Luke looked at me.  
  
"Ten minutes..."  
  
I nodded and walked upstairs to his room. After hesitating for a couple of seconds I knocked on his door.  
  
I heard a distinct sigh coming from his room.  
  
"What?"  
  
Just hearing his voice made my heart skip a beat.  
  
"You know I'm in here Luke so you can go downstairs again..."  
  
He was clearly irritated.  
  
I took a deep breath and opened the door.  
  
"Hey...it's me..."  
  
~~**~~  
  
**REGULAR POV**  
  
"Rory?"  
  
Jess voice sounded surprised. He walked up to the door and opened it, taking in the beauty that was Rory.  
  
"Yeah...it's me"  
  
She lowered her eyes, unable to face him directly.  
  
"I know you probably hate me...for using you...but...I wanted to say I'm sorry"  
  
For the first time Jess saw a blush appearing on Rory's face.  
  
"I don't know if I hate you Rory"  
  
She looked up into his eyes.  
  
"You don't hate me?"  
  
His voice sounded a bit cool.  
  
"I said I don't know if I hate you...that's something different"  
  
Jess opened his door a bit further.  
  
"Come in"  
  
She hesitated for a second.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I miss you when you're not around...I hate you when you are. At least part of me does. And another part of me wants you when you're here. Wants to reclaim that special connection there was between us."  
  
Jess sat down on his bed.  
  
"I don't believe you used me. There was something between us whenever we fucked. I can still feel it when I think about you. I don't know what it is, if it's love or lust or anything...but you can't tell me it was nothing. You can't."  
  
Rory nodded and sat down next to him.  
  
"I know. I thought it was just using you. But you touched something in me. You made me believe in changing back again."  
  
She looked up at him again.  
  
"I want to Jess. I want to make everything okay and be who I was before I got raped and..."  
  
"Raped?"  
  
She quickly covered her mouth, looking up at him in horror.  
  
"I..."  
  
Suddenly he just took her in his arms, stroking her hair while she covered her face in his shirt. She felt like crying, and she knew Jess would understand. So when tears filled her eyes, for once she didn't suppress them. She allowed herself to break down, knowing that he wouldn't take advantage of it, knowing that he would understand and be there for her.  
  
~~**~~  
  
A/N: I'm sorry this was short. And sorry it sucked. But it was either this or no update until the 16th of April (I've got tests until then) 


	12. Questions & Answers

A/N: There might be people saying that the way Rory feels about the rape isn't how it really feels. I've never been raped, I have been sexually assaulted though and this is how I felt about it.

* * *

  
  
Jess sat down on his bed.  
  
"I don't believe you used me. There was something between us whenever we fucked. I can still feel it when I think about you. I don't know what it is, if it's love or lust or anything...but you can't tell me it was nothing. You can't."  
  
Rory nodded and sat down next to him.  
  
"I know. I thought it was just using you. But you touched something in me. You made me believe in changing back again."  
  
She looked up at him again.  
  
"I want to Jess. I want to make everything okay and be who I was before I got raped and..."  
  
"Raped?"  
  
She quickly covered her mouth, looking up at him in horror.  
  
"I..."  
  
Suddenly he just took her in his arms, stroking her hair while she covered her face in his shirt. She felt like crying, and she knew Jess would understand. So when tears filled her eyes, for once she didn't suppress them. She allowed herself to break down, knowing that he wouldn't take advantage of it, knowing that he would understand and be there for her.

* * *

Jess's t-shirt was soaking wet by the time Rory had calmed down. She was still sobbing a little, but the hysteric crying, accompanied by the uncontrollable shaking of her body, had faded.  
  
He didn't know what to say. She had never shown any weakness and he wasn't sure what the best way to comfort her was. So he just held her, trying to give her comfort in the best way he could; with his body.  
  
Rory clinged to him, not wanting him to ever leave. She had been alone for so long that she couldn't remember ever being something else than lonely. For the first time since she had been raped she felt like she could be herself in front of a guy. She knew that with Jess she could let her guard down, not having to worry about what consequences it would have or fearing that he might hurt her.  
  
The silence between them wasn't awkward, but rather one of comradeship. They trusted eachother and both knew that whatever connection they shared, it was one of unexplainable value. They were destined to help eachother. Nobody would have expected it, but the town prince and the fucked up rebel from New York could be better persons. As long as they were together.  
  
Rory dried her eyes and looked up at him.  
  
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I mean...I wasn't just saying that to get your sympathy...it just..."  
  
"hurts"  
  
he finished her sentence. She nodded.  
  
"I used to be a good girl Jess. I was like Laurie...great friends, great parents, basically a great life. And to top it all off...a perfect boyfriend"  
  
Her eyes got clouded as she relived that night again. The pain. The hurt she had felt, not so much physically as well as mentally. That he had betrayed her trust. Stolen her virginity. She remembered feeling the guilt, asking herself if maybe it was her fault. Blaming herself for not screaming louder, kicking harder, yelling "no" more times. Part of her had kept blaming herself, poisoning her mind until she felt so depressed that all she wanted was for it to stop. She had started drinking, using drugs, everythign she could think off to stop that little voice in her head that kept screaming "Your fault! Your fault!"  
  
"but he wasn't that perfect"  
  
Jess still had his arms wrapped around her slim waist. His hands rubbed circles on her lower back to make her relax.  
  
"thinking about it made me sick. I just wanted to forget..."  
  
She looked up at him again, tears again shimmering in her eyes.  
  
"so that's why you started using drugs...that's why you changed"  
  
It seemed like a question but it wasn't. He understood what it must have been life, as far as one who hasn't experienced that possibly could understand.  
  
Rory let go of her breath, not realizing she had been holding it. She snuggled closer to him, making him feel that she was trembling all over, something that always happened when she thought about it.  
  
"Have you talked about it? To your mother?"  
  
No. When I could I didn't wanted to, and when I wanted to I couldn't anymore. We drifted too far apart"  
  
"When she sent you here...why did you want to hurt Laurie?"  
  
Rory shrugged and blushed lightly.  
  
"She was me. How I should have been. How I was. If I couldn't be that then why should she...you know...? And I wanted back to New York...back to the drugs so I wouldn't have to think anymore..."  
  
"Why me? Why did you want to drag me with you?"  
  
Jess knew he was asking too many questions, but he was afraid that maybe she wouldn't ever want to talk about it again after this, and he needed to know.  
  
Rory looked up at him again.  
  
"At first...cause you were hot...the cause I felt like you could save me and I didn't wanted to be saved..."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"Cause I love you" 


	13. Two Souls

**A/N**: This will be the last chapter to this story! If you wanna read more Literati's check my profile and my other stories (e.g. _Getting Experienced_, _On The Run Again_) or my new one-parter _When You Think Of Me_.  
  
**LAST CHAPTER:  
**  
"When she sent you here...why did you want to hurt Laurie?"  
  
Rory shrugged and blushed lightly.  
  
"She was me. How I should have been. How I was. If I couldn't be that then why should she...you know...? And I wanted back to New York...back to the drugs so I wouldn't have to think anymore..."  
  
"Why me? Why did you want to drag me with you?"  
  
Jess knew he was asking too many questions, but he was afraid that maybe she wouldn't ever want to talk about it again after this, and he needed to know.  
  
Rory looked up at him again.  
  
"At first...cause you were hot...the cause I felt like you could save me and I didn't wanted to be saved..."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"Cause I love you"

* * *

Jess was silent for a while. He had heard Laurie telling him she loved him before, so it was nothing new to him. But what her words did to him was so overwhelming. He felt his heart skip a beat, his blood suddenly rushing through his veins. She made him feel so damn alive. He could barely breathe, let alone speak, so he just sat there in silence.  
  
Rory took his silence the wrong way and untangled herself from his arms. Tears were still in her eyes, a reminder of the conversation they had just had, and the emotions that had been exchanged between them.  
  
"I...I'm sorry...I should...just...go...and stay there..."  
  
She walked backwards to the door, her eyes fixed on the floor. It would just be mere seconds before she would run off, and Jess couldn't let that happen.  
  
"No...don't..."  
  
He walked up to her and grabbed her arm.  
  
She held her breath for a second, then let out a shaky sigh as she relaxed against the door. She didn't dare to look up at him. He was going to reject her. He had to. She had fucked his life up so bad, made him lose his friends, his girl, the support from his uncle. All of Stars Hollow hated her for making him fail. There could never be a chance for them. Not like this. Not after what she had done. She had lost him before he had ever been hers. It made her feel like crying, but tears wouldn't show up. She was such a screw-up. She was a failure, a fucked up rebel. She didn't deserve his love. Or even his friendship. She was worthless.  
  
"Rory...are you serious? You're not fucking with me are ya? You really love me?"  
  
She just nodded, still staring at the floor. Did it matter? Would it change anything?  
  
"And you're going to give up drugs? You're going to start a new life here?"  
  
She nodded again and looked up this time, to show that she meant it.  
  
"Yeah...I don't know if I will ever fit in...but I have to try...if I go back to New York now I will only end up doing drugs again...be like I was before...and I don't want that anymore...I wanna feel Jess...anything...I want to be alive. You make me alive."  
  
A slow grin crept up Jess's face. His finger caressed her lips, then his hand slowly made his way to her neck as he leaned in for a kiss.  
  
Rory's mind was racing. This had to be a mistake. He clearly had no idea what he was doing.  
  
"Jess"  
  
Her protest turned into a moan as his lips crushed hers. His tongue took advantage of the surprise she felt and quickly entered her mouth. That was all it took to win her over. She melted into his arms as he picked her up and walked over to his bed.  
  
They were kissing furiously on his bed, neither one of them hearing Luke outside the door, screaming that her ten minutes were up. Jess's hand slid under her shirt, caressing her breast until she moaned in frustration. She wanted him. She needed him. She had to make him hers. She wanted to feel his hot naked body on top of hers, wanted to know that he wasn't going to make her leave.  
  
He refused to give in to temptation so soon and kept playing with her nipples until she arched and moaned under his hands. Then he slid her shirt over her head and discarded it on the floor. Her other clothes soon followed, along with his.  
  
He kept playing with her. Kept kissing and nuzzling and doing things with his fingers that made her come. Almost. She arched up to meet his hands but he always retreated.  
  
"Please Jess please" she moaned "fuck me..."  
  
Jess softly bit in her nipple, which caused her to gasp.  
  
"I'm not going to fuck you"  
  
At that moment she felt so rejected. She wanted to get up and grab her clothes and get the hell out of there. She couldn't be doing what she was doing! How could she have expected it to be like this? He didn't care about her!  
  
"I'm going to make love to you"  
  
She had never heard his voice like this. It was tender and soft, and made butterflies flutter around in her stomach. He looked her in the eyes and kissed her softly.  
  
"I love you too Rory...I don't know how...or why...but I do"  
  
He entered her in a quick thrust and she moaned again. With her eyes she communicated her feelings, and he answered with a smile. They worked together towards their climax and their souls once again connected. This went so much deeper than just meaningless sex. They loved eachother. Needed eachother on such a level that it was hard to understand. They didn't even understand themselves, they just knew that they had to be together.  
  
When they were lying in eachothers arms Jess smiled at Rory before kissing her once more. The kiss they shared was full of love and promises. Promises to eachother, about a future that they wanted to share. Promises to the world, that they would both make better people out of themselves. And promises to themselves, that they would do anything in their might to make the other happy.

**Review please!**


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